Rabbi, would it be alright if I lit candles on Shabbat?
At first glance, a strange question to be coming from a fellow Jew. What objection could a rabbi possibly have for a person to perform the mitzvah of “hadlakat nerot”, kindling the Sabbath lights? But a deeper look revealed the anxiety that lay behind the question. First of all, the person asking the question was a man. Traditionally, it is women who light the Sabbath candles. Secondly, the person explained, he did not intend to perform the other rituals associated with the Sabbath Eve. He was not going to recite Kiddush. He was not going to have a challah or sit down to a special meal with a white tablecloth. He worked late on Friday, so he would not arrive home soon enough to light candles before sunset. He was not intending to attend services on Shabbat. He wanted to light candles, not because he wanted to follow Jewish Law. Jewish Law was irrelevant to him. He did not want to light candles because it was a “mitzvah” to light candles. He wanted to light candles because he remembered that, as a child, his mother lit candles. Lighting candles brought back warm memories of his childhood. But could he take up this custom, which he associated with something “religious people” did. After all, he was not “religious”. How would a rabbi feel about this? Was it kosher?
A new book by Roberta Kwall addresses the unease experienced by this Jewish man who wanted to light candles on Friday night. The book is titled “Remix Judaism: Preserving Tradition in a Diverse World”. It is written for Jews who want to experience a more meaningful Jewish existence outside of the parameters of an orthodox life-style. In the book Roberta Kwall writes about a woman named Sophia Marie Unterman who lives in New Orleans. Sophia hosts “arguably the least kosher weekly Shabbat dinners south of the Mason-Dixon line.” Sophia writes unapologetically about the contradictions inherent in her Jewish practice:
To me, mine is not a less Jewish Shabbat because there is shellfish, and bread-breaking long after sundown, but a just-as-meaningful one; it’s time to take a break from an insane workweek, relax with loved ones over a well-earned meal, give thanks for those elements, and keep my favorite family tradition alive.
Roberta acknowledges some in the Orthodox world may view the practice described above as completely misguided and even sinful. But Roberta believes that Sophia’s desire to observe Shabbat by hosting weekly dinners should be seen as something positive. She wants to keep a tradition alive that is meaningful to her and that she has adapted to meet her individual needs. In this day, Roberta writes, Sophia’s passion for Judaism is not something to be taken lightly.
Roberta Kwall, the author of Remix Judaism,will be speaking to us this Tuesday night, August 4, as part of our Speaker Series organized by Mickey Passman. I heard Roberta speak last February at a Chicago Board of Rabbis meeting. She is an engaging, entertaining, and vibrant speaker. I hope you can join us this Tuesday and see for yourselves.
Shabbat Shalom
